Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
Randomize
