Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
I think people are normalizing furries
Randomize
