FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
Randomize
