he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Randomize
