He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
You ruined the universe
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
