I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
Do you have feelings for this penis?
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
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