I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
Please don't give away my fajitas
Randomize
