Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
Randomize
