It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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