I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
I skipped work to stalk him.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Vodka?
Forever.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
Randomize
