I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
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