your room smells of hookers.
And success
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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