my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
Church boner. Awkwardddd
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
