Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Randomize
