i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
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