He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Randomize
