She's JV to your varsity
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
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