I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Randomize
