hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Randomize
