I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
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