Midget sex pt 2 tonight
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
