The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
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