my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Randomize
