I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
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