I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
