Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
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