you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
We need a shit load of segways right now
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
Randomize
