I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
its liver damage thursday
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
