i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
