i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Randomize
