you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Randomize
