somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
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