if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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