for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
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