Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Randomize
