Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
Randomize
