Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
