I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
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