i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
