I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
