I can tuck mytits in my pants
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Randomize
