If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
Randomize
