I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Randomize
