She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Randomize
