i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
