1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
You work out of a Hotel?
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
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