you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
