hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
