During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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