my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
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