I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
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