P.S. I can't hear my feet
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
