We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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